Hmmmm

What does a subbie do with two Dom's that have the same name? A strange life I lead, indeed. But I guess it's a lot easier in the throes of passion to remember yelling the right name, though, right?! Mostly I yell, "Oh God." It seems to work just fine, men seem to love the ego-boost of being called that, so why change it.

So I spent like 5 hours talking to Pete last night on the phone. Somehow, I believe Peter is a psychic ear-burning eavesdropper, because this morning HE calls me on my way to work to say he's going to come over both Thursday AND Friday now, after work, to see me....that's twice in one week, two days in a row folks...how often have I written in this blog that THAT has happened?! Like, never.

Of course, the thought has occurred to me that I could play this new thing up with Pete just to make Peter jealous. That's a game I have witnessed many women playing. Unfortunately I just don't seem to be programmed the same way as those other chicks. I can't quite wrap my head around the purpose of it. I mean, Peter is married. I've got no ring on my finger. I am single. I can come and go as I please and do whatever I want WITH whomever I want, and there's nothing he can do about it. Right?

Why do I feel slightly guilty though, talking to him about Pete...? It's annoying. I shouldn't feel one bit of guilt. But there's a loyalty to Peter that I cannot just ignore or pretend isn't there. I really do love Peter, I just CAN'T love him, ya know? I can't go as deep as I'd like, I can't dig in any further, I can't climb over that impenetrable wall he's got built around himself, because he won't allow it. So the limits of our relationship have pushed me to find something and someone different, as I've been promising him I would do since day one...until now, I just haven't really gone out to do it.

Now that I have met Pete, though...it's the weirdest thing but I feel like I've known him a LOT longer than just two weeks. I mean, I made Peter wait 3.5 months before we ventured into the bedroom...I just couldn't get over the feeling that my bedroom belonged to Allen, and Peter did not belong in it. Now it feels like my bedroom is Peter's...even though Allen still comes over sometimes to play...and so now I'm wondering if I'll have the same odd feeling if and when Pete comes over. Will I be nervous and feel uncomfortable like Peter is there too? My brain is overwhelmed by all this contemplation, I think too many things to death.

I need to take up alcoholism I think. I mean hey that would be easy, it's in my blood because of dear old dad, and now I've got a good paying job...hmmmm...

But I digress. Pete actually digs me, and my odd sense of humor, and my cynicism and my sarcastic tone when I write and tell stories of my crazy life. He laughs his ass off. It makes me giggle even, because I'm retelling the same old stories that I've told Peter and Allen and my friends etc., but they sound fresh and brand new, and even funnier than I ever thought before. It's like both Pete and I are giddy and stupid, like we are in junior high school again, holding hands on recess...

Now he's reading my blog...and I'm thinkin', well if he doesn't run screaming in the opposite direction after THIS, maybe he's gonna stick around awhile, and won't that be nice for a change...

Trouble is, he's got a harum of other women that he's sowing wild oats with, and so I am (once again) nowhere near top priority. But, the biggest difference between him and Peter is, I don't feel as much of a sense of security and safety with Peter, (knowing at any moment his wife could find out and he could go POOF), as I do with Pete. I felt immensely enveloped and immersed in security and safety with Pete all weekend. I even ventured closer to the edge of the railings of the sight seeing areas, overlooking the city, than I ever would if Peter had been there. There's just something about this Pete guy...

But I don't want to get all caught up in something that could also go POOF if one of his other harum chicks decides to dig her claws into him. I don't fight over men. If they want him, they can have him, it's not worth it. No man, in my life, EVER has been worth fighting over. He'll just have to come to me after his adventurous wild oat sowing phase gets overwith...and if I am still around, and available, then maybe we could venture forth into something great. If not, we'll always be friends I think, and that's just fine too.

Bye for now.

Love, Sassy Girl