Relationship Advice...

I found this article on yahoo today, which kinda ties in with the argument I had this week with Pete, and how we've made a mutual decision to make the connection of our relationship more important and stronger than the argument. We did this by meeting halfway in the middle with apologies from both, (even while still thinking we are both right and the other is wrong), and then talking in-depth and at length to work out the differences and try to see differing perspectives.

This advice might help the Journey boys also, to figure out how to reconnect........
that is my hope at least. It's time to just get on with it and be friends again fellas, so don't let me down, just get busy and fix it.

These are the 3 signs that the relationship is in trouble:

Red Flag #1: Tuning Out
One of the most common reasons relationships fail is because one or both partners is tuning out. It might sound minor, but in actuality, few things are more hurtful than being ignored by your loved one, whether that is accompanied by emotional neglect or physical distance.

The Cure: Take Down the Wall
Tuning back in is easy. All you have to do is agree to listen to your partner's feedback and dedicate time and emotion to the relationship again. Start taking down the emotional wall, brick by brick. Look at your partner in the eye when he or she speaks (even if it is not what you want to hear), make physical contact daily (even if it is just holding hands), and re-commit to the relationship.

Red Flag #2: Fighting Fire with Fire
Couples who fight fire with fire can expect a relationship that is constantly up in flames. Name-calling, sarcasm, criticism, and violence (from throwing things, slamming doors, to actual physical abuse) result in emotional wounds that are hard to heal and relationships that are hard to rescue.

The Cure: Pour Water on the Flames
The next time you feel anger guiding you to say, or do, things you might regret, take time to cool off. If that's not possible, try framing your complaints as requests. For instance instead of, "Why did you forget our date?," you could say, "I feel sad that you forgot our date. How can we make sure this doesn't happen again?" If your partner is the one who is fanning the flames, don't engage in the vicious cycle of insults and tantrums. You can't fight fire with fire if the other person won't engage in the flame-throwing.

Red Flag #3: Refusing to Own Up
No one is perfect, so why is it that some of us refuse to take responsibility in our most important relationships? Passing the buck and playing the victim are surefire ways to put a relationship in jeopardy.

The Cure: Take Responsibility for Your Actions
The next time you forget an anniversary, or say something hurtful to your spouse, don't try to pass the buck and refuse to take responsibility. Instead, admit where you went wrong and try harder next time. Sounds simple... but it can save your relationship.

By making simple changes to the way you and your partner communicate, you can keep your relationship intact. All couples fight and argue, but it is how you fight and argue that determines whether your love can weather the storm.

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I'm 40 years old but I'm still learning all this stuff folks, so this information is all new to me. But okay, I just took a look at my past pattern of getting angry.

First I instantly screamed my head off and hated his guts (hence, the angry poem I wrote to Pete first thing when the anger blew), and I then decided, "all done, that's it, I'm outta here, screw it," and I "tuned out," and ignored him...and then I realized slowly, that this behavior is exactly the same kind of thing I've done with Peter in the past---not to mention other vanilla relationships---causing more tumultuous discussions and escalating upset---and when I took a look at this pattern closely, I felt like I was hit in the head with a ton of bricks.....I slowly figured out that, all of those things I have done before, and what I was doing NOW with Pete, really didn't work so well.

So then, what the hell do I do? MAYBE I should do the OPPOSITE at this point, maybe that would work better, because I don't want to keep making the same patterned mistakes again. I could really ruin it, sabotage it, and end up alone and lonely again if I just kept going in this same patterned direction that I've always gone.

To my surprise, doing the opposite of my usual habit, did work. Pete and I managed to agree that the relationship is much more important, the connection between us is the top priority, not the argument.

And so, the Journey boys should realize the MUSIC and the LEGACY of Journey is much more important and should be #1 top priority---the connection they've had, the MAGIC they created together---should prevail over the squabbles and misunderstandings they've had in the past. Like it or not, they were all "married," and should treat their band as another marriage; nuture it, help it to grow, rather than knock it down and walk away and let it die.

So this article may not be super incredibly helpful or full of wisdom, but it does make sense to me as a guideline, and I hope that I can learn from it in future.

That's why I am sharing it here.

And now, I'm leaving for Pittsburgh to enjoy the July 4th weekend with Pete. I told him I would still kick his ass HARD when I arrive, but after that, we can move on. As long as he never again compares me to his ex-wife, or gives me crap about Peter, (or Big Al), and as long as he doesn't send emails or my blog to people I've not yet met yet without asking me permission first, we'll be okay.

Of course, we both know that the minute I really do literally try to lift my foot high enough to actually and literally kick his ass, he'll just grab hold of my hair, trip me by grabbing hold of my damned leg, then he'll pin me down, and plant a damned kiss on me, and then I'll melt and be all sappy and stupid like a silly submissive girl can be. Damned Dom-that-he-is.

I am afraid to admit it folks, and God knows I have been fighting it awhile, but I have begun to realize that I really do LOVE this big lug dammit. I didn't expect to. I didn't think I ever could find such a man. Crazy as it seems, I really think he's captured me. All my years of creative, unconscious and dysfunctional evasion of being captured by someone have suddenly come to an end, much to my shock and dismay, horror and fear.

But now I am strapped onto this roller coaster, feeling a little more comfortable in that crazy contraption of love that he has surrounded me with, heading slowly up the first hill, waiting for the calm plateau before zooming downward into the rest of our lives together. I just hope I don't puke on his shoes. Cuz I still might.

Have a happy July 4th weekend ya'll. And Journey onward, my boys in the band. Rock on.

Love, Sassy Girl