oh my GAWD

--- On Tue, 12/9/08, Allen wrote:

> Date: Tuesday, December 9, 2008, 1:36 PM

>How is everything?
------------------
Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 2:14 PM
To: Allen
Subject: Re: Whats Up?

Boring around here; my temp job ended. Watching t.v., napping. Just
bored. How are you?
-------------------

Ha Ha!! You've become a housewife!!!

Allen

-------------------------------------------------------------

.....So this is what it's like, to be a housewife? No WONDER I've turned down 4 marriage proposals in my lifetime. I never wanted to BE a housewife, in my ENTIRE life. I never had this in my sights as a goal to achieve, I never wanted this, that's the whole reason I went away to college, to get a CAREER, a JOB....but now here I am, and it makes me sick to my stomach to think that my smart-ass former Museum coworker Allen is right. If he were here, I'd smack him upside the head for being a jerk.

Pete's like, "Why don't you go volunteer somewhere..." but I'm like, "I WANT A JOB THAT PAYS ME MONEY," like I HAD in Washington DC, and I told him my days of trying to save the world are long gone, I already bust my ass for my stupid family and friends that don't reciprocate anything to me, do you REALLY think I care to bust my ass trying to help total strangers too? Screw that. I feel empathy for those who are in need, but I'm not going to bust my carcass to do nice things for the human race when we deserve to be obliterated for our own stupidity and ignorance every day of the week. They don't appreciate it anyway. i spent 6 goddamned years in DC trying to teach people about the dangers of racism, prejudice, stereotypes and hate. Then 9/11 happened and that changed me. Nobody was fucking listening, they just want to blow each other up. So now I say, "GO BLOW EACH OTHER UP!!" because I'm all done trying to talk sense to people. The world is just too fucked up and I cannot relate anymore, nor do I have any interest in trying to do "good" when everybody else around me is corrupt as hell.

I've reached the age of 40 and my life is really just over, my career is gone, I have nothing really. Nothing of my own. I'm finding it very difficult to accept this and resign myself to it. But that is the only option I've got.

Thanks for the slap in the face Allen. I'm a fucking housewife. This is not the "me" I ever expected to be.

---Sassy Girl