Job hunting blows.

Yes indeed, for the umpteenth time since 2001, I am once again job hunting. I have this uncanny knack for crappy economic timing every time, too. The whole world is in a recession, and here I am, pounding the pavement and emailing my resume like a madwoman. Just once, I wish somebody somewhere would give me a friggin' break.

I mean, where do you put a person like me though? I'm a jack of all trades, but a master of none. There isn't much call for a Holocaust educator. I'm sick to death of administrative work, but that's what I've been doing most of my life.

The job I've had for the past 6 months (which was supposed to hire me permanently), decided that the recession has caused them to avoid hiring for awhile; so they are being very cordial about it, letting me sit all day and job hunt for the next 6 weeks. Seriously, I'm getting paid right now to do nothing. I guess it's kinda like a severance package really. They loved me, they said, I have a terrific work ethic, maturity, (HA!), and professionalism that they were very impressed with from day one. They love that I'm so skilled in all things computer-ish (MS Word, Excel, Access, Publisher, Power Point), and that I type over 100 words per minute...I can do just about anything you throw at me.

So...apparently I'm just so "great" they won't hire me. Yeah. Ok. Whatever. Do you have ANY CLUE how a submissive female like me reacts to such two-faced rejection? Let's just say: Not very well. That bottle of sleeping pills I bought recently is looking pretty damned good at this point. Especially with my 40th birthday looming like a noose over my head in two weeks.

This is the 2nd time GW Bush and his stupid administration has fucked me over. And don't give me the "blame the poor economy on Clinton" crap either---that argument doesn't work anymore, the guy's been gone 8 years people, get over it---the first time GW screwed me over was, of course, the same time he screwed the rest of the country and the world over---on 9/11. He knew about it, was warned of it, but he didn't bother to do anything except plan his war in Iraq so he could get richer from all the oil. I lost my damned career and life that day, and I have yet to get it back. SEVEN YEARS I have been knocked off track, flat on my ass, and every time I take a step forward, I get knocked down a friggin' flight of stairs. And now, when I finally feel like I'm going to get a permanent job that I actually LIKE, there he is again, BAM, the economy takes a shit because he's an idiot, and here I am again, out on the street. Thanks Mr. Bush. I loathe you.

Ehhhhh I just need a damned scapegoat right now, so that works.

I sit here listening to KORN and METALLICA and DISTURBED and GODSMACK on www.pandora.com, feeling like screaming my head off along with them---but I'm stuck sitting in an office that I'll soon be vacating, silently dying inside because I have nothing to DO all day, and it bugs the hell out of me. I've gone around the place asking people if they need anything, but the answer is always no. And so I sit, twiddling my thumbs, hating my life and my world, just trying to grit my teeth and get through the day.

I know what you're thinking: "hey, shut up, you're getting paid to do NOTHING all day..." and hey, sure, that's what most people in DC get paid for, right? It really IS nice of them to do that for me, they didn't have to offer me that at all. But in a few short weeks, I am out the door, and right now I have nothing on the horizon. So pardon me if I feel rather SCARED right now, and fed up, and depressed.

Forty years on this planet, and I've got nothing to show for it. What the hell am I even HERE for?

---Sassy Girl