Happy Birthday Anne Frank

Today is Anne Frank's birthday. She was born on June 12, 1929 in Frankfurt Am Main, Germany. Every year I typically light some candles and read from the Tanak'h or I read from her Diary, or I watch the movie. It's a rather bittersweet day. I love you Annie my Annie. Always have, always will. Happy Birthday to you Anne.

Pete is making me feel very bittersweet also. The chick who "dumped" him last week apparently wanted some nooky, so she duped him into feeling sorry for her...and she stayed the night at his place last night. Here's our chat from this morning:

[08:37] PETE: Hi beautiful!
[08:39] ME: hi
[08:39] ME: sorry someone was standing here talking to me
[08:39] PETE: k
[08:39] PETE: I just saw you go available.
[08:39] PETE: Hi there.
[08:39] ME: yeah
[08:40] ME: hi
[08:40] PETE: You sounded 'distracte' on the phone.
[08:40] PETE: 'distracted'
[08:40] ME: trying to find a parking spot, gathering my stuff and walking into the building
[08:40] PETE: OIC
[08:41] PETE: I got you right at the end of the commute!
[08:41] ME: yeah
[08:41] PETE: I am in now and just found out that the fix I made yesterday was backed out because it made something crash.
[08:41] ME: yikes
[08:41] PETE: So I have to go fix that just to be even with last night.
[08:41] PETE: Sigh!
[08:41] ME: busy day
[08:42] p: Yea, life is more than interesting right now.
[08:42] p: Yup!
[08:42] ME: never a dull moment
[08:42] p: But I did work on my lines a bit last night.
[08:42] p: Not in my life.
[08:42] p: You ready for that?
[08:42] ME: dont' know
[08:42] p: Not that you have to be 'in' all the busy parts.
[08:43] p: Don't know?
[08:43] ME: depends on who else is in the busy parts.
[08:43] p: OIC
[08:43] ME: did you lysol off her side of the bed?
[08:43] p: Actually we switched sides.
[08:43] ME: how come?
[08:44] p: I slept near the air conditioner.
[08:44] ME: ok
[08:44] p: SHe likes it hotter.
[08:44] p: It was a god reason to switch sides.
[08:44] ME: ah
[08:44] ME: i'll bring some lysol.
[08:44] p: LOL
[08:45] ME: not a big fan of vanilla cooties.
[08:45] p: Fabreeze should work.
[08:45] p: I know.
[08:45] ME: she's not going to back down ya know.
[08:45] ME: isn't that obvious?
[08:46] p: I would like it if she is always a friend.
[08:46] p: There just wont be 'benefits'.
[08:46] p: I tend to keep all of my friends.
[08:46] ME: some can handle that. some can't.
[08:46] p: That is why I have some from 6th grade.
[08:46] p: Kindergarden.
[08:46] ME: yeah I know. J----.
[08:46] p: J--- since college.
[08:47] ME: ok
[08:47] p: But that does not change how I feel about you and what you mean to my life.
[08:47] p: We talked a little about you too last night.
[08:47] ME: i'm sure.
[08:47] p: She wanted to know how old you were.
[08:48] p: She thought you were in your 30's.
[08:48] ME: i was until april.
[08:48] p: A---- is 45 by the way.
[08:48] p: Yuo!
[08:48] p: Yup!
[08:48] p: She was thinking younger 30s.
[08:49] ME: yeah the betty boop type. i know.
[08:49] p: Shr claims that was a statement of cute and/or I see what you see in her.
[08:49] ME: and you believed that?
[08:49] ME: i know how women are.
[08:49] ME: you're gullible.
[08:50] p: I just repeat it, I do not claim the level of honesty.
[08:50] ME: and the last thing I am is stupid.
[08:50] p: I know that dear. You are not.
[08:50] p: I'm sorry this has hurt you.
[08:50] ME: whenever a subbie comes around, the vanilla stick out their claws. they sense danger.
[08:50] ME: it's predictable.
[08:51] p: Well there is nothing to claw into on me.
[08:51] ME: oh but she will.
[08:51] ME: and did.
[08:51] ME: and will continue to.
[08:51] ME: but you willingly and voluntarily allow it.
[08:51] ME: nothing I can do about it.
[08:52] p: I do not see it that way, but I will ponder it.
[08:52] p: I am not stupid either.
[08:52] p: I am not trying to have the best of both worlds.
[08:52] ME: I just kinda want a Dom who can control his own willy and have some personal discipline, because if that's not even one of his abilities, he'll never be able to take control of me to the level that I need. Y'know?
[08:52] p: I honestly was helping a friend in need.
[08:53] p: I understand.
[08:53] ME: and hey I gave Peter a bj last night so there's not much I can say about it.
[08:53] p: LOL
[08:53] ME: and I'll be with him fucking like crazy tomorrow as well.
[08:53] p: True
[08:53] ME: so there's really nothing I can say.
[08:53] ME: you'll have J---- this weekend
[08:54] p: And yet, you have feelings and I thank you for letting me know.
[08:54] ME: fat lotta good they do.
[08:54] ME: but sure.
[08:54] ME: no problem.
[08:54] p: Hey,
[08:54] ME: this won't be the first time a---- comes around. i just have to learn to get used to it i guess, or not.
[08:54] p: Oh [SASSY GIRL], I wish I were closer to you.
[08:54] ME: well you're not.
[08:55] p: I know that, but it would be easier.
[08:55] ME: i don't think distance would make this easier.
[08:55] p: So I also know that this is part of what we have to work through.
[08:55] ME: what's to work through?
[08:55] ME: you are free to do as you please
[08:56] ME: with whomever you please
[08:56] ME: and so am i.
[08:56] ME: we're single.
[08:56] ME: Do you know where Wildwood NJ is?
[08:56] p: Yea, true, and what I do affects you, so I need to think about you too.
[08:57] p: It is in the South on the shore.
[08:57] ME: that's where [my Ghana pen-pal] Ben is working, at a candy store on the boardwalk, he said. 4.5 hours from here I guess from the map I printed out.
[08:57] p: Cool!
[08:57] ME: what you do does not affect me at all.
[08:57] p: No?
[08:57] ME: I have no say so in your life
[08:57] ME: it's not to that point yet
[08:57] ME: we met 3 weeks ago
[08:57] ME: a finger fuck on a massage table. that's all.
[08:57] p: You felt no impact that A---- was over last night?
[08:57] p: Oh please.
[08:57] ME: i felt that she's going to continue to rear her ugly head.
[08:58] ME: and i'm not going to deal with her.
[08:58] ME: but it's ok because you let her.
[08:58] ME: and that's your choice and your business.
[08:58] ME: not mine.
[08:58] ME: i have no hold on somebody i just met 3 weeks ago, silly.
[08:58] ME: and vice versa.
[08:59] ME: i've been the pawn in too many games so when i feel that is happening, I bow out gracefully and let the others play.
[08:59] p: I am not playing a game.
[09:00] p: You are not a pawn.
[09:00] ME: maybe not but A---- is.
[09:00] ME: and if you can name somebody else's game, they cannot play it on you.
[09:00] ME: so I'm naming her game.
[09:00] ME: and therefore, I do not play.
[09:01] p: OK
[09:01] ME: i rise above the vanilla bullshit.
[09:01] ME: i reject vanilla games.
[09:01] ME: but that's all you've known for 25-30 years
[09:01] p: OK, I get it.
[09:01] ME: so i know you can't quite figure out how to do that.
[09:02] ME: she tells you she's dating 2 other guys, why not call them to take her car into the garage and take her to the airport? because she wanted in your bed again. that's the game I am referring to.
[09:02] ME: you said yourself she's the queen of manipulation
[09:03] ME: so what kind of Dom allows a vanilla chick to play him like that?
[09:03] p: OK
[09:03] ME: come on Pete don't be daft.
[09:04] ME: I think you really do care about her a lot
[09:04] ME: and that's fine
[09:04] p: Sorry I disappointed you.
[09:04] ME: I'm just wondering if you're really at the point of being ready for me.
[09:04] ME: the first disappointment is the hardest.
[09:04] p: Well if you bow out you will never know.
[09:04] ME: do i need to know?
[09:05] p: If I'm ready?
[09:05] ME: you may never be.
[09:05] p: I would think you need some confidence in me.
[09:05] ME: how is that possible 4.5 hours away?
[09:05] p: I don't know.
[09:05] ME: how will i know if yo'ure using condoms or not?
[09:05] ME: you could SAY you are, sure. but how will I know?
[09:05] p: I thought we were headed in that direction.
[09:05] ME: it would be nice.
[09:06] p: You won't until we are closer and see each other more often.
[09:06] ME: but vanilla chicks will pop up a lot.
[09:06] ME: so this is only the first time
[09:06] ME: j--- is 2nd
[09:06] ME: not sure who will be 3,4 5,6,7,8th
[09:06] ME: but they will come
[09:06] p: So do I need to be celibate for you to trust me?
[09:06] ME: i'm not asking you to do anything.
[09:07] ME: i'm just telling you I expect more vanilla chicks to come around.
[09:07] p: Yes you are, becasue you are saying that you will go away and I do not want that.
[09:07] ME: celibacy sucks.
[09:07] p: J----'s trip was planned 3 months ago.
[09:07] ME: i know
[09:07] ME: it's ok
[09:07] ME: you'll be busy
[09:08] ME: i'm not the jealous type, i told you that. but I really have a prejudice about vanilla chicks, esp. when they bear their claws like a---- has.
[09:08] p: Yea, I can't believe she is still plannig to come.
[09:08] p: But it does not make me happy.
[09:08] ME: it'll be a nice visit with an old friend.
[09:08] p: And that is it.
[09:08] ME: how did [your son] like his first day as an ice cream man?
[09:09] p: OK, I will be on guard (re: A---) more and the whole 'V' [vanilla] thing in general.
[09:09] p: He starts today.
[09:09] ME: oh ok
[09:09] p: I think he will have a blast.
[09:09] ME: cool
[09:09] p: yea.
[09:09] ME: tell him i'll order some sugar-free popsicles.
[09:09] ME: if they have 'em
[09:09] p: LOL, OK.
[09:10] p: [SASSY GIRL], you are the best person for me that I have ever known.
[09:10] ME: did A---- try to get all cuddly and sappy and romantic?
[09:10] p: I do not say that lightly.
[09:10] p: I don't want to talk about her anymore.
[09:10] ME: yeah I'm the best. ok. Thom said he cherished me too, in his suicide note. i'm just so great...
[09:10] p: I am more interested in what we will do and in us.
[09:10] ME: she did.
[09:11] p: Look, I have said that my friendships are important to me.
[09:11] p: But they are not more important than you.
[09:11] p: So if they continue to get in our way, the friendships will eventually go.
[09:11] p: I would love to have both, but if I need to choose one day, it is simple.
[09:11] p: I want this!
[09:11] ME: friends are fine but they don't sleep in the same bed.
[09:12] p: I want a chance with you.
[09:12] p: I see so much potential and I do not want to blow thw opportunity we have.
[09:12] p: I hear you, understand, and agree.
[09:12] ME: after the fact, it's easy to agree.
[09:13] ME: she did become all romantic and cuddly, I know she did, and you let her.
[09:13] ME: so i am keenly aware that you have major feelings for her
[09:13] p: Fine, yes.
[09:13] ME: and i just feel awkward about it.
[09:13] p: I have feelings for a lot of people.
[09:13] ME: i know.
[09:13] p: But none compare to what I feel for you.
[09:14] ME: and you're free to do that, i want you to have fun and be free and go wild and sow some oats
[09:14] ME: i just don't need to know about every detail.
[09:14] p: OK, so then can we leave it alone?
[09:14] ME: it's moot at this point.
[09:15] ME: but she'll be back.
[09:15] p: And I will have another test to live up to then.
[09:15] ME: in all honesty it makes me want to fuck peter harder.
[09:15] ME: so i guess that works in some weird way for me.
[09:15] p: LOL
[09:16] p: Well I had just heard about his great BJ yesterday afternoon.
[09:16] p: So, I guess I understand that statement.
[09:16] ME: i sat backwards on him and he came in me.
[09:16] ME: so yeah the bj helped immensely
[09:17] p: Thanks, I thought we were dropping details!
[09:17] ME: you don't want me to share them with you?
[09:17] p: Yea, I do.
[09:18] ME: you just said no.
[09:18] ME: now you say yes?
[09:18] p: But it just makes me want you all the more.
[09:18] ME: i don't think you know what you want yet pete.
[09:18] ME: i just have to back off and be more patient.
[09:18] p: Well you had just said to not tell you details and then you told me more.
[09:18] ME: which is the test I am up against.
[09:18] p: I thought it was a funny change.
[09:18] p: WHAT?
[09:18] ME: i am not the most patient human.
[09:19] ME: so i have to learn patience with you.
[09:19] p: OIC
[09:20] ME: so now we both know what we need to work on.
[09:20] p: yea
[09:20] p: And I need your help. Is that OK?
[09:21] ME: how can I help sitting way over here?
[09:21] ME: you have to be the Dom, I can't.
[09:21] p: By 'being there' for me, by talking with me and letting me know what you need.
[09:21] p: By continuing to be honest with me.
[09:22] ME: well I honestly do not like a----.
[09:22] ME: how's that.
[09:22] p: By not leaving, bowing out, or running away.
[09:22] p: By being paitent with me.
[09:22] p: By trusting me, and believing that I will do anything, ANYTHING, to be with you and to have you as a part of my life.
[09:23] ME: ...
[09:23] p: OK, I understand that, and will be sensitive to it.
[09:23] ME: translation: won't tell me about her much anymore.
[09:23] ME: don't know which is worse really
[09:24] p: Set a boundary, what do you want to know?
[09:24] p: I can tell you every time we talk, see face to face,
[09:24] p: What would you want to know?
[09:24] p: My life is an open book for you.
[09:24] ME: not sure.
[09:24] ME: i'll think on it.
[09:25] ME: part of me doesn't want to know the details.
[09:25] ME: part of me doesn't want to be duped or lied to either.
[09:25] ME: i'm just gonna chill.
[09:25] p: OK, I am going to get to work.
[09:25] ME: maybe you should spend the 21st weekend dealing with a----, and deciding what to do about her.
[09:25] p: Not sure how I can do that.
[09:26] ME: meet her for coffee somewhere, tell her how you feel and what you want to do.
[09:26] ME: and just kindly let her know if she continues to bear her claws at me, I will claw her eyeballs out.
[09:27] p: I can do that.
[09:27] p: But I don't need a whloe weekend
[09:27] ME: then i'll hand you over to her.
[09:28] p: [SASSY GIRL], I do not want her!
[09:28] ME: well if I come visit and she comes around, it'll be ugly.
[09:28] p: With our without eyes.
[09:28] ME: and i don't really want to spend my weekend driving 8 hours to deal with an ugly vanilla bitch.
[09:28] p: She will not.
[09:29] p: She will not come around.
[09:29] ME: she's already taken up too much of my time as it is and she has no right to any piece of my life.
[09:29] p: I'll dissmiss her if she does.
[09:29] ME: you could have dismissed her yesterday.
[09:29] ME: she dismissed you after all.
[09:29] ME: twice.
[09:29] ME: in 3 days.
[09:30] ME: i'm meeting my Dom friend C--- for breakfast on Saturday morning.
[09:30] p: OK
[09:30] p: I'm working saturday moring.
[09:30] ME: he's good friends with H----
[09:31] p: cool
[09:31] ME: go to work.
[09:32] p: OK, I will.
[09:32] ME: i'll be away from my desk most of the day.
[09:32] p: I know.
[09:32] p: S'OK, we can talk later.
[09:32] ME: mm
[09:32] p: I want you to come up the 20th
[09:33] ME: take care of a---- before then and i will.
[09:33] ME: or at least set up some boundaries with her.
[09:33] ME: and if she crosses those boundaries, she will have to deal with me.
[09:33] p: OK
[09:33] ME: i won't hesitate to fuck her up. i just don't want to be provoked into bitch mode.
[09:34] p: I understand, and it is my responsibility to protect you from getting to that point.
[09:34] ME: i can and will kick the ass of any vanilla chick who crosses my path and gets in my face.
[09:34] p: So I will.
[09:34] ME: don't make promises you can't keep.
[09:34] ME: i hate that.
[09:34] p: I don't.
[09:35] ME: rise above this vanilla shit, or stick with it and forget the subbie.
[09:35] ME: it's an either/or from my perspective.
[09:35] ME: but then again everything is
[09:35] p: I see that.
[09:35] p: I know and it's all grey from mine.
[09:35] ME: fair enough
[09:36] ME: you sort thru the grey
[09:36] p: But that doesn't mean I can't see black & white.
[09:36] ME: i can't sort thru something i dno't see
[09:36] p: I will and I'll find the boundary.
[09:36] ME: it's not my job.
[09:36] p: Right, I'm on it.
[09:36] ME: and i'm not gonna beg or demand it either
[09:37] p: No problem.
[09:37] ME: but i have a hard time hiding my feelings.
[09:37] ME: i can do it when necessary
[09:37] p: really?
[09:37] ME: i've internalized most everything most of my life.
[09:37] ME: so if i have to do that with you i can
[09:37] p: I'd prefer that you did not.
[09:37] ME: god knows i've done that with just about every guy i know, including peter.
[09:38] ME: though i've let him have it a few hundred times
[09:38] p: If you were chipper on the phone this morning feeling like you did that would be bad.
[09:38] p: I want to know how you feel.
[09:38] p: What is good and what is bad.
[09:38] ME: i told you once, i do have high standards about what i seek in a Dom. he has to control his own willy, his own body, and his life, finances, etc., or he's not going to be very effective in controlling me.
[09:38] p: It goes for the m ind as well as the body.
[09:38] ME: so that's what I'm looking for in you.
[09:39] p: OK
[09:39] ME: i was chipper on the phone because I didn't want to say anything.
[09:39] p: I could tell.
[09:40] ME: i'm chipper all the time and can put away the other stuff when needed.
[09:40] ME: then i go rant and vent to peter.
[09:40] p: Well you can across as upset to me.
[09:40] p: Or Pete...
[09:40] ME: upset at myself mostly for being duped by this vanilla hag.
[09:40] ME: when all i've been is nice to her.
[09:40] ME: and this is what i get for it.
[09:41] ME: so why be nice.
[09:41] p: I know, OK, I will deal with her.
[09:41] ME: too late now she knows she's gotten the upper hand on this situation.
[09:41] p: (And with me.)
[09:41] p: Not really.
[09:41] p: Please, let me take care of it.
[09:41] ME: sure do whatever you need to.
[09:42] p: I shall.
[09:42] ME: ttyl
[09:42] p: yes
[10:36] ME: today is anne frank's birthday.

Obviously this whirlwind romance has hit the skids at this point. Pete has been demoted to "occasional play partner." Our previous discussions about these other vanilla chicks in his life apparently didn't stick between his ears very long.

---Sassy Girl