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For the first time in 15 years, I am running to my mommy for advice....this is what I wrote to her...it will be interesting to see what she says...
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On Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 8:08 AM, [SASSY GIRL] wrote:

Hi mom,

Hey, I know I have not come to you in a long time to ask advice, but that is because living out here in DC is a whole different world from Michigan and the problems I face here are totally different and strange compared to the way my life was there, so it's hard to ask for advice when there's no way you could really understand how life is for me here.

But, in this matter, I do need some advice. It's about love, relationships and marriage. And as you know, I am CLUELESS about all this stuff. I just don't know what to do about Pete.

Pete is the guy in Pittsburgh that I met over Memorial Day weekend. I have been to Pittsburgh to visit with him nearly every weekend since then, and he has also come to visit me in DC. I have only known him one month so far, but he already says he is in love with me, and wants me to move to Pittsburgh, and eventually marry him.

He seems convinced that I am "the one," and he has already got my entire year calendar planned with visits and other events...he is totally taking over my life, when it comes to socializing with his friends and family, (I'm going to visit him this weekend and all 4 of his kids will be there also), and he's planning to have me meet his mom soon too. In fact, I am planning to bring him [home] for Labor Day weekend, to meet you and [my sister] and [my best friend]. So I hope you can all be there when we arrive.

Now, when I went camping over Memorial Day weekend, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I just went camping to get away from it all and relax awhile. So I didn't expect all this to happen with Pete, and it's taken me quite by surprise. He's really just sweeping me off my feet, very quickly, and though it is fun, I'm also scared to death. I really like him a lot, maybe even love him, I'm not sure...but I do know that I care about him very much and when he's not here, I miss him terribly and feel lonelier than I ever have before. We talk on the phone 3 or 4 times every day, we chat online every day, we email each other every day, we laugh a lot and enjoy many of the same things like concerts and music and road trips and site-seeing and taking Sassy to parks to run around...and I even bought a webcam for my computer so we can SEE each other while we chat...

You once told me when I was younger that "if I meet a guy who makes me feel like things are "right," I should run in the opposite direction because he's probably a lot like my dad. If you meet a guy who makes you feel uncomfortable, unsettled, and strange, THAT is the one to marry because he's probably going to treat you better than any other guy ever has."

I'm just wondering now if that is true? Because I do feel unsettled and strange about Pete, he's not like other guys I've known before, and he spoils me rotten, lavishes me with hugs and kisses, and stares into my eyes telling me he could melt right into them...he's a romantic sappy kind of sentimental guy, who cries about things that mean a lot to him. We went to the World War II Memorial last weekend when he was here visiting, and he cried there, because it was so overwhelming to him, and because his dad served in the war too.

He says he wants to buy a house for me, take care of me, keep me safe and share my life. He says he is not going anywhere, and I can take my time to trust what he's saying, and he won't rush me into anything.

I really think this guy is the one I'm going to marry someday, and I'm freaked out about it. I've been single all my life, so this is all new to me, and I don't really know what I should do. I know [both my sisters] have been through this before, so if they have advice, please let me know. How did THEY feel about getting married, were they scared to death, did they trust it, were they just as stunned and overwhelmed as I am right now....etc...? [My best friend] also went through this too, with [her husband], so I am asking her for some advice also...

Pete is 50 years old. He's been divorced twice; [deleted personal info] For the year previous to meeting me, he was just "playing the field," casually dating about 6 different women, and not really committing to any of them.

But whe he met me, he stopped seeing those other women, in a matter of one week's time---he just totally decided I am "it," and he doesn't WANT anybody else anymore---and so he's rearranged his life completely to make room for ME to be there from now on, and nobody else. I'm blown away by this. He loves to act in plays, he is "libertarian" with his political beliefs, he's liberal-minded, he's funny, he's big, burly and like a big teddy bear... mostly he is offering me a whole different life from what I am used to living, and that is the scary part. He says I can work at a job I love, as long as I want to---but he says anytime I feel like NOT working anymore, I can take a break, or look for a better job, or just stay at home and write books if I want to----he works at [deleted], and makes $[deleted] per year, so he says he can afford to support me and take care of me.

I don't know if I would just quit my job and become 100% financially dependent on ANY man, but we would be able to live in a decent house, and I could work at museums or colleges in Pittsburgh, doing the same kind of work I do here in DC. The cost of living is much less than it is here in DC, so it wouldn't be as expensive or stressful to live in Pittsburgh. I like the idea of moving there. I am tired of living in DC, because the Museum will never rehire me again, I've tried to get a job there 25 times since I came back in 2004, and it's just not happening. I can't keep beating a dead horse. It's time for me to move on.

The more I think about all this, the more I think I should go for it. But I am still scared.

So, if you have any advice about it, I would really appreciate it. He's thinking a timeline plan of having me move there in the spring of 2009, to get an apartment of my own separately and get used to living there first, and then possibly get a house later on next year, with or without being married first, and eventually he does want to marry me.

Should I just go for it, and say yes?? Or is it too soon and should I wait awhile first before I answer...? I feel excited and happy when I'm with him, and very safe and secure with him. He has not yet gotten down on his knees to officially propose, nor has he bought me a ring or anything yet...but I know he is moving in that direction and I'm shocked and stunned and reeling about it right now...overwhelmed...but happy.......I just don't know how to handle it.

Let me know what you think. I will send you more pictures of him and I together soon too.

Love, [SASSY GIRL]

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And this is what PETER had to say about my email to my mom....
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I'll be interested to hear what [your best friend] and your mom have to say about you and Pete. But from my perspective, your "unsettled and strange" feelings are more scary than feeling "right" about him exactly for the reasons you think: your feelings run deeper than just being "right". That is important.

The fights and arguments and enraged email chains are important. So is laughing and loving and exploring. You already suspect how this will all come out, so you should trust your heart. At the same time... well, there is a saying in my line of work when it comes to accepting a new system or software: trust but verify. So be scared when you're scared. So be angry when he pisses you off. Call him out on his missteps. Feel your heart leap when he stares that deeply into your eyes. And make sure he treats you how you WANT to be treated.

The first emails you and I ever shared on [a BDSM web site] centered around the "equality" of a D/s relationship. So many Doms and subs approach it as an unequal thing, giving the Dom way too much responsibility in the relationship. The "whatever you say Master" attitude probably killed more relationships than it saved. Being a strong enough woman to have a mind and use it and to CHOOSE to submit to someone is a much more attractive thing in my opinion. I think Pete shares that viewpoint. You are a strong woman who deserves to have love and happiness.

Consider whatever [your best friend] and your mom says seriously, but YOU are the one who has to live your own life. Your experiences outside the cocoon of Michigan are vastly different than anything your mother or [your best friend] has ever experienced. So listen to them, because they know your history. But they haven't lived your life or sat alone in Fubar City or dealt with careers and cost of living and crowds of people and being deeply submissive all at once. Their opinion is important to you, but YOUR opinion is really what counts.
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Sure, Pete compared me to his ex-wife...sure, he gave me shit about being with Peter...and sure, he argued with me all day yesterday and we had a bad time of it... but really, aren't those things that most men would do, in a new relationship with a bratty submissive chick like me, and shouldn't I expect it, and okay fine, we might have to talk it out and agree to disagree about some things...but overall, I sat here yesterday thinking, "My God, I could really ruin this, by pouting, simmering in anger, ignoring him and dissing him, pushing him away like I did with Peter at first...I could really just ruin all of it, in the blink of an eye...and then what...how would I feel..." And I started to think, "With Peter, I didn't have much invested in him at first, because he's married. I didn't care really if I ruined it, because how dare he cheat on his wife with me and maybe if I'm mean enough to him he'll just go home and be a good boy..." But with Pete, it's different.

And so, stay tuned as the situation grows and changes over time. Who knows where it might lead us. I just hope my mom doesn't send back a one-sentence email like usual, "Just go with your heart" or some such crap, that would totally BLOW.

---Sassy Girl