Groan...

The bluish-white ghostly sky enveloped me as I drove bleary-eyed to DC from Pittsburgh at 4a.m. this morning. I marveled in awe through the half-wakened fog in my head at the ethereal dawn, hiding the imminent daybreak. A crack in the fragile, clouded, foggy-sky lining allowed just the briefest glimpse of sunlight, following quietly behind the groaning blue dawn. I wondered why I kept staying Sunday nights and driving like a wild woman in the wee-morning hours to get to work on Monday, without much sleep. I can't keep doing that. It's just too difficult.

Thoughts of the holiday weekend replayed in my head as I drove. The strange awkwardness of rediscovery, falling again into Pete's arms; the unexpected fireworks last night outside the bedroom window at 10 p.m. while trying to sleep before the long drive ahead; the butterflies in my stomach before meeting Pete's kids; the relief of acceptance and approval afterwards; another trip to the theater to see Suessical again; rushing around all over Pittsburgh with Pete, shopping for cookout items, but having no time to do what I really needed to do, which was get my nails done and buy scrapbook items to make one for Ben as a going-home-to-Ghana present.

Some annoyances I noticed this weekend:

Pete drives like a maniac, and got annoyed at ME for asking him to slow down; he can thrive on 4 or 5 hours of sleep, but I can't; he sings every song that comes on the radio or on his ipod, or bursts into song at any given moment from past musicals he has performed in; he leaves cupboard doors open in the kitchen; he doesn't throw things away either, just piles things on the table instead, or near the sink. He also leaves his wet towel on the bed after showering. I can already tell if I ever did move there, or if we ever did really shack up together, I'd be the neat freak and he'd be the one I'm cleaning up after all the time.

I noticed that just about everything in my life seems to be put "on hold" while I am with him for some reason. Even just taking my dog for walks was a rushed thing, we had places to go and things to do, so they were short walks instead of my usual longer ones that I look forward to with her; Pete actually tracked me down once in his car because he couldn't see me from his house--he said, "let's drive the dog to the park," so we did--(though I would have just liked walking there and back); I couldn't relax, I felt stressed the whole time; the bath I wanted to take at the hotel didn't happen; all he wanted to do was ravage me the whole time...he did run a bath for me at his house last night, and then crawled in behind me, making me feel all squished and uncomfortable...(he's a big dude, with a regular sized tub), so I didn't really get to relax even then...

The worst annoying thing was, he asked me to remove the necklace that Peter gave me. THAT was extremely upsetting. It's almost like my collar, from Peter, and frankly that rubbed me wrong. I told him it was important to me to keep it on; he said it was important to him for me to take it off; Yes, hesitantly I did remove it, but I put it right back on again shortly afterwards. It's just one of those faux pas protocol things about BDSM that you don't do, ya know? You don't step on the toes of another Dom just to get what you want. That's just not the proper etiquette. Pete isn't experienced enough to know that though, and I didn't have the heart to tell him, though I probably should have. We just didn't have time to talk about any of these things, so I'm recollecting things that I should have said or done.

I finally stole Pete's car and skipped seeing the play again on Saturday night to go do the things I really needed to do, without him. We were also supposed to go swimming at the Carnegie University pool, but that didn't happen either, Pete was just too busy doing things HE wanted to do, entertaining the kids and performing in his play and cooking...there just was not enough time in the day to cram everything in that I had hoped to do during the holiday weekend.

Oh, and again, I washed all the dishes the whole time I was there because his son (who usually washes them) wasn't around to do it, nor did any of the kids offer; and, I pretty much single-handedly set everything up for the cookouts we had both days---nobody in that house full of 20-something's even offered to help do that either, it was just Pete and me doing everything...I thought that was rather rude. But apparently they were too busy watching stupid movies on t.v. and playing video games on the computer, smoking, and talking about cartoons on t.v., to even allow that polite thought to occur to them.

Other than those annoyances, it was a decent weekend.

Despite the rain.

Ah well, I'm just tired and grumpy right now. Those things did annoy me slightly though, during the weekend. I just didn't get to sit and relax very much, nor did I get to take a nap, or sleep IN LATE (thanks in part to my dog), and I didn't get to really do the things I wanted to do, without just forcing the issue and taking Pete's car while he was performing in the play. Of course one of his vanilla female friends had to show up at the play that night too, which is another reason I avoided going. The whole vanilla female friend thing is getting overly stale. But okay, who am I to say anything, he's free to just go and do his own thing and I am free to do do the same.

Ehhhhhhh I guess since I am nodding and trying to keep my eyes open right now, the caffeine in the 2 coffee's while on the road have faded, I should probably go and pretend that I'm getting some work done.

Sorry to be such a complainer today folks, I just never had the chance to really talk to Pete about any of this stuff while I was there, and I have had 4.5 hours in the car alone to think about them, so they are on my mind.

Let me just say out of fairness that, all in all it was a nice weekend and we did have a very fun time, overall. The hectic pace of Pete's rushing around lifestyle, though, is something I am not used to, and I really don't think I can keep up.

Love, Sassy Girl