A different perspective

My female friend Charlene wrote this to me in an email today regarding Peter...it has helped me with a new perspective...it will give me something to think about for awhile...I told her that I felt upset, and she answered with the following...which, I might add, I did not lose sight of. I just feel hurt.
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I know that Peter made these promises to you prior to you moving away. But Peter made a much larger promise to his wife... a promise of life long commitment, for better or for worse. Marriage is such a complicated beast and until you've done it at least once, I don't truly think anyone can understand all the complexities that are involved in it.

Peter is obviously re-evaluating that commitment to his family (not just his wife). I know that this re-evaluation must hurt like a bitch to you, but I wouldn't take it personally at all. If anything I would be proud of him for doing the right thing. I honestly do not think him avoiding you has anything to do with you specifically, but with him moving on in a positive direction for his family. When Peter and I met for lunch on my birthday, we discussed this very issue. I explained that I myself was not ready to break the bond of marriage for that commitment is extremely strong. He expressed regrets on having broken that bond with his wife and kids as well.

What you and Peter had was special, and do not let his re-commitment to his family taint your memory of what it was for you. He is not denying you... he is helping his family. This is not about you... this is about his kids and wife. I know that if I was in his shoes, I would have to cut off the lines of communication with my lover as well otherwise I would not be able to move on in the positive light that is required for the marriage to work.

Pete should be your solace and solidarity right now. Pete is a good man, and he truly loves you with all of his heart. I have not seen a man love a woman as he adores you in a long time.

I really hope you are not mad at me for saying all of that. Being in an estranged marriage myself (as you know) is extremely difficult. It literally fluctuates daily. I just don't want you to take Peter's path personally. You should use this time to develop the relationship YOU NEED from PETE. ALL men need to be taught what a woman needs. Just like we need to be taught what they need. You need to train Pete... communicate to him your needs and desires. Put all of your energy into making that relationship work the way you need it to. Pete would do ANYTHING for you... don't waste this opportunity with a man who adores you on a man who is already committed to another woman legally. Its just not worth your time, energy or emotions.
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I need some time to process all this in my head. I know it's accurate and honest, I know she means to help, and I know she's right about Pete.

So don't give up hope in me yet. I'm trying to get thru this the best way I can.

---Sassy Girl