This silly blog-o-mine

For those of you who read this silly blog-o-mine all the time, but haven't been following it since day one when I began writing, I wanted to explain something that I feel is very important.

My blog started out as a diary between Peter and me. Now, I have found that there are many OTHER people reading it, some of whom are total strangers even, so it has blossomed into this "audience" thing, which is very weird for me, because it was supposed to be private.

And, furthermore, my blog is like a venting diary for me. I say things I don't MEAN here, like the whole "stalking Peter's family" thing...please understand, that I would NEVER (I repeat) NEVER do such a thing in real life. I write this blog as a venting, temper-tantrum-throwing, spewage of venom with SOME embellishment thrown in for added drama, to appeal to the "audience" reading it now. I know it seems odd, but somehow my blog has morphed since I began writing on it...it is now turned into this voyeuristic thing for people to peek into other people's lives (mine/Pete/Peter) about whatever is happening on a daily basis.

My family does not have access to this blog, neither do most of my friends. Pete does, Peter does, Charlene does, and Pete's friend Vixen does too. There might be other anonymous public people out there reading it too, but I really don't know. I just chose to start a blog to write about my adventures into D/s, and the people involved, in order to make sense out of chaos.

AS AN UPDATE ABOUT PETER:

I talked with Peter this morning. He apologized for not being in his office the past couple of days. He said work is crazy busy, everything's in a chaotic mess right now, and for me to be patient...he's been trying to write a very long email on his blackberry, since he's not been around his computer at work, but that every time he starts writing another part of it, he reads my blog and then has to re-write or add things to it, which is why it's not done yet.

ANOTHER THING:

I realize, that even though I did NOT have an official collar from Peter, but he did release me, which has all sorts of repercussions that are painful yes, but temporary. AND, I understand that it's a two-way street. He is no longer my Dom, therefore, my wanting/needing/craving him to continue helping me, is not HIS responsibility anymore to BE that Dom for me. I know this. I know I've been spewing venom lately, upset and angry, confused and onery, jumping to wrong conclusions, feeling like he's just pulled the rug out from under me, etc......but I'm not perfect folks, and those of you who expect perfection from me are going to continue being disappointed.

The things Charlene wrote to me have helped a lot; it's always nice to have a different perspective, and a verbal smack upside the head when I get out of control and spiral into hysterics, like I do sometimes. She's good at that! I really am grateful to her for taking the time to do that. I don't have many people to talk to about all this stuff, so it does help.

So, bottom line for today: I no longer feel upset about Peter. The necklace is off. I'll just be patient for him to do what he has to do at work, and when he can get to me, he will. He is not dissing me, ignoring me, or pulling any rugs out from under me. He's simply got a mess at work and needs to focus on that right now. I'm not the center of his universe, nor have I ever been, (nor will I ever be), and this is something I tend to forget from time to time. I'm a greedy submissive chick you know, I am insecure, scared a lot, and impatient as hell.

Those of you who don't really know me in reality, probably read this and think I'm a lunatic freak...but I'm really not.

Oh God...an email just popped in from Peter. Will write more later.

Love, Sassy Girl



When writing on this blog of mine, I only use first names, I don't put photos of anyone unless they specifically give me permission to, (I COULD put photos of Peter on there, and if I were REALLY vindictive, which I'm NOT, I would have done that a long long time ago)... so your contributions HELP ME with this, to show a more balanced way of thinking about things, and for that I appreciate your time and energy very much. It also helps those who are reading it, to get a more rounded picture than just my one-sided, sometimes skewed perceptions of things.



3. I have kept a journal all my life since the age of 10. I am a writer at heart, that's what I love to do most, and so this blog is an outlet for me to just spew whatever angst is in my head, heart and soul at any given moment. It is NOT, (I repeat) NOT, to be taken as exact LITERAL word for word, because sometimes I am in a foul mood and I just want to die, other times I'm frustrated and curse and throw a tantrum, or threaten things that I would never really DO for real...I just THINK some of those things, I don't ever DO them. I haven't really had many people to confide in most of my life, so this blog is like that confidant, it's a freedom, to express how upset I may feel, or how happy I am, or whatever is in-between. So please do not take everything I write there literally, or as gospel, or as the all-holy truth all the time. I write from my emotions. Those are, much of the time, all gnarled up in a ball and I have to sometimes pick them apart to make any sense of things.