Ocean City here I come...

Yes indeed, I will soon be on a plane to Baltimore, and from there, to Ocean City for the weekend. I am looking forward to it.

Last night I dreamed that I got there, and walked slowly behind my friend Barbara, dropping back further and further, and then disappearing into the crowd, running away. I looked back to see her looking for me, but I just kept running in the opposite direction, wanting to get as far away from her, from Pete, from his mother, and from Pittsburgh, as I possibly could. I just kept running, lugging my suitcase with me, frantically looking for an ATM to get all my money out, so that I could take off somewhere that nobody could ever find me. I worried about my dog. I wondered how I would ever get her back, and I wondered where I would go, where I would end up, how I'd manage to start over, would I be able to get a job, would I find a place to live that I could afford? Would my money run out before all that happened, would I end up homeless and destitute? Would Pete come looking for me, or would he just sell all my belongings and forget me? Could I go back to DC, would I be able to get my old life back I wondered, and who could I call for help? At that point in the dream, I just sat down and cried, frantic and hopeless, feeling that I would never make it, I would fail, I couldn't do it, I'd never stand a chance, and I felt horribly stuck and horribly all alone and lost.

Then I woke up and had to pee at 2 a.m.

So I'm going to dig my toes in the sand, soak up some sunshine, drink a lot of alcohol, eat too much, and try to relax this weekend.

I've been feeling very overwhelmed lately. Taking care of an 88 year old, bipolar woman is rather...daunting...sometimes. Exhausting really. It's a never-ending babysitting job, and it's not something I feel I am capable of doing. I am no Donna Reed, and I'm not a nurse maid. I never signed up for those jobs either. I don't know how I got to this point, and I'm feeling that it's just too much for me to handle. But, there really is no choice in the matter. I'm trying to deal with it.

I have to go for now. I hope to enjoy some time away so that I can start a new week with a more happy outlook. Right now I just want to run away and hide under a rock.

Love, Sassy Girl