Glad I'm poor.

Family squabbles are always stressful. I'm not even an official part of Pete's family, and yet there is a major snafu hitting the fan right now regarding his mom living with us, that's got my head spinning.

Pete was adopted at the age of 3 months old. So was his sister. This woman is the only mother he's ever known. However, when her sister died several years ago, the two nieces decided that Pete's mom, (their AUNT) should become THEIR mom, and they have told her repeatedly that "Pete's not your REAL son, so he's not REALLY a part of our family."

Now that Pete's mom is 88 years old, these nieces have decided that they will take control of her life, by becoming her power of attorney, by having her create an irrevocable trust, and by changing her will. The original will left 50% to each of her own children. This new will, we just learned, (which was created just before the nieces put his mother into a nursing home last fall), takes 30% away from Pete, and divides it up between the two nieces and the woman who is currently living rent-free in his mother's house, each getting 10% of what is rightfully supposed to go to him.

Pete doesn't care about the money. He makes more than enough money to support his mother, and his children and me too, so that is not the issue. The problem is, whenever his mother spends time with these nieces, they try to brainwash her and lie to her about things, that causes her major emotional upset, total confusion, and unnecessary stress. She told us that one of these nieces recently brought in all of her children, and introduced them to their "grandmother." This threw Florence into a major tailspin, wondering why nobody ever told her about these kids, and she couldn't figure out how she could even BE their "grandmother," when that went against everything she's known all her life about her own family.

We have figured out that these nieces want her to believe that Pete is not her "real son," and therefore, his children are not her "real" grandchildren, but because THEY are her REAL nieces, THEIR kids should be considered as her REAL family.

It's really quite fucked up if you ask me. Now add to this confusion and upset, the fact that his mother is also bipolar, and you've got yourself quite a situation, to say the least. This is a situation that will, unfortunately, become a legal battle.

Pete is now arranging to take over the power of attorney from his niece, open new bank accounts for his mother (since the two nieces are now in charge of her checkbook and ATM card), and the home that Florence owns in Rochester NY is currently being SQUATTED on by a woman who has never paid one dime of rent money to live there, and will not leave.

I told Pete last night, that I am looking forward to my trip to Ocean City this coming weekend, to get the hell away from both him and his mother, because frankly, I didn't sign up for this mess, and I'm a nervous wreck trying to figure it all out and sort through the confusion, and it's causing ME to be stressed out and upset. All I know is, I want his mother to live out the rest of her life in peace, away from coercion, away from unfair lies and miscommunications and prejudices. I want her to be happy and healthy and active.

The nieces took over her life, and shut her into a nursing home, without even telling Pete that's what they were doing. He found out AFTER the fact that she was living away from her own home, paying $3,000 a month to live in that nursing home, and now the niece who is acting as power of attorney is telling Florence that she needs a psychiatric evaluation. She's gearing up to try and prove that Florence is incapable of making her own decisions, to fight Pete. I believe, if she does go to that extreme, the evaluation will prove that the two nieces have been coercing and brainwashing and lying to her so badly that she is confused and upset and stressed out about it. So it seems like a silly thing to do if you ask me, just having an evaluation done to find out that THEY are in the wrong. But okay, go for it, give it a try if you like. Whatever floats your boat.

We spent the weekend in Rochester, NY, at her home, discussing the items that she wanted to take back to our house, and the items that she didn't want anymore. We rented a moving truck, and we loaded those items of furniture and boxes of things and as we were doing this, the niece shows up, shocked and upset that we had a moving truck. She tried to take Florence aside, but Pete's daughter went for a walk with them, chaperoning, at Florence's request. She had already spent the previous day with this niece, and returned exhausted and upset and confused. She hasn't had one day of upset or confusion since living with us, so this is what we are trying to prevent.

Pete's going to write to these nieces, telling them that they are no longer in charge of his mother, and that if they do not agree to the new rules and terms and conditions of the new living arrangement that we are creating for her, then he will simply get a restraining order against them, so they cannot see her anymore.

This whole situation makes me sick in the heart, and makes my guts churn from being nervous about it all. Florence has a considerable sum of money, that these nieces are apparently after, once she dies. This has upset Florence a lot too, but she feels helpless to do anything about it. We are trying to give her back that power over herself and her own decisions. We're going to consult a Geriatric Lawyer to find out how to deal with this, and we will document everything via photographs, and videotape, to discuss the changes in her life, and have a lawyer present, to prove that she IS capable of making her own decisions. We're going to get our ducks in a row, to fight these two nieces who are causing all this unnecessary havoc.

So, the one thing these nieces have been beating into Florence's brain for a long time is that Pete once borrowed $50,000 from her, to pay off his 2nd wife's previous home mortgage. They say he's never bothered to pay it back, and how DARE he do that to his own mother, he's a rotten person and shouldn't be trusted, he's a "smooth talker" who gets out of responsibility. That is why they say he's not REALLY a part of the family, he's just ADOPTED, so that makes him less of a human apparently. This kind of bullshit is enough to make me angry.

However, his mother GAVE him that money as a GIFT, so there is nothing in writing about this transaction, no check was written, nothing at all was done legally on paper to prove that he "borrowed" that money. So, I suggested he get these two bitches on a wild goose chase, to "PROVE" that he was given any money at all. Prove it, by finding a check number, or a bank that made this "loan" to him from his mother, find something that PROVES he borrowed it, and that it was NOT a gift. They will find nothing. But, that challenge should keep them in an uproar, all busy and distracted while he moves in and covertly takes control back over his own mother legally. It will buy him time to get the necessary procedures done legally to protect her. He is also paying her back little by little, and will keep all the bank statements to prove that, so they have no real leg to stand on.

The will also has an irrevocable trust, which he needs to find out more detail about. He wasn't even provided with a copy of the will until he requested it last week from the niece, who called the law firm and asked that they send him a copy in the mail. Why they didn't do that when it was written, is proof that they were being sneaky about this whole mess, and THAT will be evident in a court of law when it plays out. So they are really just setting themselves up to look bad in this whole thing, and that is going to be in Pete's favor when all is said and done.

But, Florence said to me one day a couple weeks ago, when she woke up crying, "I just want to die and be done with this whole thing, so that I'm left alone, I don't want people fighting over me and my money." I told her then, "I hope that if I live to be your age, Florence, somebody out there will LOVE ME as much as all these people do, and will fight over ME like this, it's really quite an honor you know, despite the awkwardness and upset, because the one thing everybody can agree on about you is that you're a great person that they love very much. We will take care of you and get this all sorted out so you won't have to worry about it anymore." She sighed with relief and said, "Thank you. I've felt so alone and lost since [my husband] Ray's death, it's good to know somebody is still on my side."

It breaks my heart that this woman has been through a tug of war with these nieces and with Pete. It's just beginning, this will be a long, drawn out legal mess in my opinion, and one that I don't want any part of. I just want to stand on the sidelines and let THEM all fight it out, it's none of my business, she's not MY mother, and so I am inconsequential in this whole thing, I don't matter one bit. I just want to keep my distance and not become too empathic to the point of causing MYSELF distress. And right now, that is what I am feeling about it all. Distressed and helpless and I feel like running away. I am no good at confrontation, I avoid it like the plague, and it's not MY battle to fight.

I wanted simply to move to a nice new house, to paint it and decorate it like I want it, and to live peacefully in a new relationship with a man who loves me, happily and without drama or soap opera crap. Seven weeks into this new house, and we're now in the middle of what will soon become a familial battleground in a court room. I haven't got the energy to paint or do anything now, I'm all upset and distracted and overwhelmed by everything that comes with his mother moving in.

I'm just glad that I have no money. I told Pete this morning, that when he dies, I will not get into any of this legal bullshit with his kids, I don't want anything of his, they can have it all and I'll just bow out gracefully and go live my life in poverty. I don't care, it's better than going through all this bullshit hassle.

I also told him he has a choice, to simply let her live here with us, and let the rest go. He doesn't have to fight a legal battle, he doesn't need the will or the house in Rochester, it doesn't affect his life at all, so just leave it, let her die in peace, and make her last years on this earth happy ones, and focus on the positive side of spending the last years of his mother's life with her.

I don't know what will happen, but it has got everybody upset right now, including me. I'm looking forward to spending a weekend away from all this. I really am. I know that may seem like a horrible thing to say, but I just cannot handle all this. I never want to get into this kind of mess with my own sisters when my parents die, either. I just cannot deal with this.

Bye for now. ----Sassy Girl