Day after tomorrow...

...I will be on the road to Pennsylvania, for the camp weekend...

I'm a nervous wreck.

In fact, Peter is on his way over now, because I've had a nasty meltdown today and we've been arguing via instant message most of the day. He's cancelled two meetings and now has to bring work home with him because of me. I feel like crap.

See, he's been wanting me to go to this camp all along. He's encouraged it, has been all excited about it, wanting to live vicariously through me I guess, since the day I brought it up. But I only asked his permission to go, when my friend Aryan coerced me and talked me into wanting to go...I figured, four days of wild bondage fun with a master of rope and whips who loves to put me in predicament bondage? Hell yeah, I'm there...

But Aryan is not speaking to me right now, he's pouting like a baby. I don't know how a so-called "Dominant Man" can act like such a spoiled rotten brat BABY like he is. He's mad at me because I showed him that his concern about something was misinformed and overreacting, he claims I "blabbed my life story" to a few people who will be at camp, and "they don't want to hear my life story, they don't care, they just want to go and have fun." In my defense, I was merely explaining to them why I was considering cancelling the whole thing. I was being HONEST with them. Trying to be friendly and explain why I may not be there, and why I may have to decline their invitations for playing. When I sent them all an apology email, I said, "Aryan says I shouldn't have...etc" and then I sent HIM their replies, which basically said, "No problem, it's fine, we're all family, that's what friends are for," etc. Two out of three people I talked to answered back, that is. The third one, obviously, is the one who complained to him that I was blabbing my life story. So I told him that she was obviously the unhappy one, but all I can do is apologize and if that's not good enough for her, to hell with it.

He wrote back, "Not happy with you." So I've been trying to communicate with him all week, but he will not answer my emails. That pretty much feels like a rejection of me, to be honest, because I was just BEING ME. I need to TALK to people, I mean FUCK I spend nearly every goddamned DAY by myself, without human contact or touch, or anything. My dog only answers back when I mention food or walks. If I didn't show up and they didn't know WHY, I felt that would be RUDE of me, so I explained to them WHY, and for that I am being ostracized apparently. And that means, I won't be playing with him all weekend, and he's the one who invited me, so why the hell am I even GOING?? He's the only one I know well enough to really play with.

I've been super bummed all week about it. But he's being a jerk. Stupid ass Dom.

So then I am invited by the chick in charge of my cabin to join the chatroom. I am not much of a chatroom type of person, I got burned HUGE when I was on the Journey web site chatroom, and some fucking lunatic employee of the band decided to harrass me for six months, and then sent me malicious code and crashed my computer. I got the fucker fired for it eventually, and reported him to the police. Needless to say, I stopped going to the Journey web site, the bastards, and I won't go there anymore EVER. I won't even spend money on a concert ticket anymore because of that schmuck.

So chatrooms and I, we really don't get along very well. People tend to misunderstand me, and for the LIFE of me I don't know why. I mean, I speak perfectly good English. But yet somehow, things on a chatroom can get outta hand REAL easily.

So anyway, against my better judgment I go to this camp chatroom, and I type in, "Hello this is [Sassy Girl]." They immediately start dogging my name. I mean, "it's too long, you should shorten it or add a number to it, or get a better nickname," etc. and they went on and on about how there are too many people at camp with the same name (I use my first real name as my scene name), and a huge conversation ensued, resulting in me feeling like I was being attacked or something. I finally got frustrated and said, "Look, it's my real first name, and I'm a real person, I'm not good at being FAKE and making up fake names, so that is why I went with the real thing." Well, silence greeted me for a few minutes, and then a couple people logged off, and then the guy who started the whole thing changed the subject.

The next day there's an email from the chick in charge of my cabin, telling me that I "ruffled some feathers" because "I called the people in the chatroom FAKE." She then lectured me about what a scene name was, and why they were used, and that most people in the scene take great offense at the word "fake," and I should be more tolerant and accepting of people's names.

I sat there dumbfounded. ME, be tolerant of THEIR names, when they were the ones attacking me for MINE?? I very nearly broke my computer I was so angry. I wrote to her and said, "I've been in the scene for over 10 years, I know what a scene name is and why they are used. I did NOT call anybody FAKE, I merely stated I used my real name because I am not good at making UP fake names. I was not being judgmental, I was not accusing anybody of being fake, I don't even KNOW any of you people. I simply said HELLO and stated my real name, to which everybody ELSE started attacking ME for it, so don't tell me to be tolerant and accepting of other people's names, when they aren't being that way with MINE."

She hasn't written me back. Fucking double-standard bullshit idiot goddamned stupidity. I am so hating this entire weekend now, not looking forward to meeting these idiots, not wanting to socialize with any of them, and definitely feeling like I should just drive around the block and then just go home and unpack everything.

So then last night this total strange guy from nowhere sends me an email, introducing himself as one of the single Dom's who will be at camp. He says he wants to get to know me before camp starts, and wants to talk to me about something important. I chat with him for a bit, and learn a little about him, and then he says he wants to ask me if I would be his SEX SLAVE for the entire WEEKEND while I'm at camp. I very nearly fell off my chair...