Slight interruption

Sorry about that last post...Peter came over unexpectedly to hold me while I cried like an idiot for awhile. Slight meltdown. We now resume our regularly scheduled rant.

See...when I told Peter of this dude who wants me to be his sex slave all weekend, he said he would feel JEALOUS about it. That caught me completely off-guard, he's never said he felt jealous of anyone else I've ever played with before...and so of course it led me to a major friggin' meltdown...I mean, he's been telling me all along to go and have as much fun and frolicking and fucking as possible, but now suddenly he's all jealous about this one guy who wants me as his sex slave all weekend?? The mixed signal and confusion that ensued caused quite a ruckus....we argued most of the day. It was so frustrating, at one point I just got mean and I told him his after-care sucks, he's always rushing to the shower and out the door to get home, and leaves me there to pick up the damned mess he makes, both literally and figuratively, and most of the time I feel like "wham bam thankyou ma'am," etc....it was not pretty...

He then put me "on hold" while he went to lunch to "calm down" so that he could discuss it further when he returned. So for an hour and a half, I stewed about it, getting more and more angry being "on hold" with a bunch of things I wanted to spew at him...so then he got back and everything careened into this huge crash and burn kind of thing, and eventually I told him that I suspected this weekend would be the "beginning of the end of our relationship." Well, that did it.

How am I supposed to go to this thing, and be a sex slave/submissive to some new guy I don't even KNOW yet, when all the while, in the back of my head, knowing Peter is feeling JEALOUS of it? I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. And playing with others, I THOUGHT, would actually be pleasing Peter, which is why I'm going in the first damned place...so the confusion just got to be too much for me, and I burst into hysterics, telling him to go to hell, and leave me alone, and I'm not going to camp and I just want to be LOVED for fuck's sake, not tossed around like a beach ball back and forth trying to please every damned Dom who wants to play with me....

Yeah, I'm a stupid chick. Well dammit, my period started yesterday so I'm a friggin' emotional loon anyway, so all of this, plus the new job situation finally starting to gel, and now I get to go have lunch with 2 of my new out-of-state coworkers tomorrow, on the spur-of-the-moment suggestion from the HR lady who hired me...all of this, plus packing, repacking, adding 10 more pair of shoes, 5 more outfits, making arrangements for my dog to be taken care of, cleaning the house, trying to do 50,000 things all at once...AND worrying about next week and "sub-drop" when all the "high's" of being super-sexed-up all weekend come crashing down to reality, simultaneously while starting a new job------the stress of all these things just got to be too much.

He showed up and walked in the door, wrapped his arms around me, and I just lost it.

Good thing it was raining outside, his shirt was drenched when I was done. The wife will never know that it was caused by my tears.

I told him I needed some valium or something, I'm heading for a nervous breakdown. He said I just need to go away for the weekend, relax, and enjoy myself. He pulled my hair a bit, which always help to keep me focused when I'm feeling out of control, and then spanked me a bit too...resulting in a much calmer me. I don't like crying. I don't like it because it really doesn't solve anything and it's annoying because I can't breathe, I'm all stuffed up and DAMN it just bugs me that I'm blubbering like an idiot. In fact, now that I think about it, I rarely EVER cry unless he's there with me, making me cry for some reason...telling me to "let it all out."

Anyway, so it looks like I am going to this shin-dig, and I'm going to be this other guy's sex slave all weekend long...I said to Peter, "have you thought this whole thing through? Do you REALLY think it's going to be easy for me, after being completely immersed in being a 24/7 sex slave for 4 days and 3 nights with this other guy, only to return to the same usual once-a-week 90 minutes with you? Be careful what you wish for, you're gonna lose me."

Peter changed the word "jealous" to "envious," telling me he wishes he could go with me. THAT royally peeved me, though, because if he REALLY wanted to go on Thursday and Friday, he COULD have made up some out-of-town 2-day meeting and made it happen. But he didn't, and so I feel like, "cut the crap and the lip service, you'll do whatever you want, when you want to, and you obviously didn't WANT to go at all."

I feel like I've been duped into going, and now forced into going, but then told not to have relations with anybody else. It's a BDSM weekend for fuck's sake!! What am I supposed to do, sit in a corner and just WATCH everybody else? He wants me to go there, and do what, twiddle my thumbs? Masturbate the whole time? Give me a break!!!

I'll admit, I did not expect some guy to walk up to me and tell me that he wants me as his the entire duration of camp...this is something completely foreign to me...I mean, first of all, on weekends, I NEVER get to be with Peter. I sit home, do chores around the house, sometimes go shopping, or watch TCM, take a nice hot bubble bath, and go to bed early. That's my usual weekend routine. I don't go out, I don't have "dates," I don't ever get to spend the night with a guy..........good lord I wouldn't even know what to do if I were ever asked...

I think the last time I've ever spent the weekend with a guy, romantically, was in the year 2000 with my last vanilla boyfriend.

So, this is rather a big deal for me, this 4 days and 3 nights with some total stranger guy who says, "your job is to resist my advances, my job is to seduce you, and eventually you'll beg." I very nearly overheated when he said that. He's very active in the NY BDSM scene, and he's made his own dungeon equipment that he's bringing with him to set up around his tent...he's a former Marine...he shaves his head, has muscles everywhere, clean shaven, (all over, yes, even down there), and is one of the best looking guys who are SINGLE, at this entire camp. I asked him if somebody else put him up to this, cuz folks, this kind of thing NEVER HAPPENS to me.
But no, he said that I have the prettiest face of all the single submissive women who are going to be there, and he felt attracted to me because of my rather large bosom...(the boobies always get 'em)...he said he liked that I am NOT a BBW also. (Big Beautiful Woman = aka = A really hugely obese chick).

He is skilled and experienced, and often TEACHES, suspension bondage. That is something I have never done before. I hope my vertigo doesn't kick in. He said a blindfold usually helps prevent any dizziness. Good thing. I'm scared to death. He loves the dragonfly sleeve, and kurada's, and all sorts of other rope tricks that he has in mind for me, he said. He asked if he could put a collar on me, (hmph, Peter won't even GIVE me one), to "keep the strangers away," because "he's very greedy." I very nearly overheated when he said THAT too.

Now he's looking to find a woman to join us----telling me, he's going to make my fantasy 3-some come true, with MMF and MFF...(male/male/female, and Male/Female/Female). I definitely overheated when he said THAT. Good LORD. I'm freaking the hell OUT over this. I have never in my 40 years of existence on this planet, EVER had a threesome. Not even ONCE. I'm bi-curious, but I've never done it, and I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do if some chick is there kissing on me... oh god...palpitations...

Oh, and this guy is also going to be one of my kidnappers. I very nearly cancelled the whole kidnapping thing, but he said "Please don't, I'm gonna rock your world." I think I have been blushing ever since I talked to this guy...jeezus he is freaking me out...I just hope he's not into cream pies or anything disgusting like that. I don't even know if I could go down on a woman, that rather grosses me out, but then again, I've tasted myself and it's not so bad really...but good LORD...I don't KNOW these people...they are total strangers!! Holy crap. I'm going to hyperventilate.

I'm gonna need to bring more wine coolers I think.

Lots of wine coolers. Or maybe...vodka. Yeah. Maybe some vodka and cranberry juice.

Bye for now. ---Sassy Girl