Sleep deprivation...

GROANNN...Ok, he loves me, he's smitten, he's over-the-moon...but the boy has GOT to let me sleep, that's all there is to it. He calls me, and we talk on the phone until 2 a.m., and that's been going on all week so far...I'm dyin'...and yawnin'...I mean, it used to be that 9:30 was bed time for me, but wow, for some reason we find a million bazillion things to talk about and the time just flies. I'm draggin' ass today though, so I hope I don't nod off at some point during my training at my new job! I hear Starbucks callin' my name...

We had a big long talk about the "L" word, and I guess he just won't take it back. Try as I might, I couldn't talk him out of it. Silly Dom man. He's a stubborn one. His friend "Vixen" (nickname) finds this whole thing highly amusing, probably guffawing hysterically as I sit here writing even, but apparently the two of them are lovin' my blog, so now I feel I need to confess my feelings of curiosity and even a little bit-o-the-lust towards this "Vixen" chick, and how I'm envisioning a happy threesome between us all at some point, but I'm too shy to really come out and tell her that to her face, so if she happens to stumble over this while reading my entry...*wink* *grin* *chuckle* woooo hoooo!!

Ok, so today the other Peter, wants to go to lunch. And see me tomorrow. And Friday. I feel the talons of his Domly claws clenching tighter into me a bit, much more than usual, and part of me feels very flattered by this, but another part of me just shakes my head and thinks, "too little too late." I mean, he is the one who sent me to the camp in the first place, to pursue BDSM with others. Why he insisted on this, I'll never know. I also told him beforehand that it might lead to the beginning of the end of our relationship, and he should be careful what he wishes for. So now, with Pete's new declaration of love, and with Peter's reaction of closing in tighter on me, I'm feeling a sense of potential doom with this situation, like it's going to be a no-win situation for both of them and me at some point, and THEN WHAT?!

I mean SHIT, I sat here for MONTHS, even YEARS with next-to-nothin' going on in the lovelife, you rotten bastages. Where the hell WERE you guys?! Now suddenly you all seem to be ganging up on me, and I'm feeling like this could become a nasty game of tug-of-war or something, which I want to avoid like the plague. I don't see why they can't just both share me. But then again, they are both stubborn Dom's, as well as greedy, so that might not work very well.

I don't know how the hell to handle two guys who want me...I really don't. I've never even had ONE in a long-term relationship who wanted me, much less TWO. This just doesn't happen to me, ya know? I've never been in love before, I don't even know HOW all this is supposed to work...no clue...I don't know if he's just feeling massive lust for me right now, or what...but how can you say LOVE in just two weeks of knowing somebody?! I mean, sure it FEELS like we've known each other a long time, but in reality, we really haven't.

Maybe I should retire my BJ techniques. They seems to get me into trouble.

Ah well, I'm just a wild sexy beast I suppose, and I should just sit back, relax and enjoy the extra attention, right? Too bad I have a conscience and it won't leave me the hell alone. I feel loyalty to Peter, I love him but CAN'T really love him, he won't allow me to...and this new declaration of love from Pete is something I am very happy to accept, though not sure if I am at the same point in reciprocating.

I'll try to, though, and if I can keep them both in my life for a long time, I will.

But right now, my overall feeling is: he's gotta let me SLEEP!! At least a little! hehehehehe

Love, Sassy Girl