Lunch with Peter

Peter leaned over to give me a kiss and a hug, upon our ending of lunch together today, and as he did, I leaned onto his shoulder and sniffed through my nose as I moved my head down to his elbow....hehehehe....I thought it was pretty funny, but it would have been funnier with a razor blade. (He said, "Uhhh, not so much.)" LOL

Seriously though, I've never snorted REAL cocaine in my entire life. But, I told Peter all about how he's my "drug of choice" apparently, and I didn't really realize I was even addicted to him until Pete started this "intervention" on me, so the whole conversation revolved around this subject today.

At one point, Peter said, "Just keep in mind that this drug has the power to ruin your life, or keep you addicted forever you know." And he stared right into my guts as he said it. I just stared back at him wide-eyed. I didn't know how to answer that. I just said my brain hurt, and ate my enchilada.

It was decided that the decision yesterday NOT to see him, was mutual, and he agreed with it. He had asked me about it, then went in to a meeting, and during the meeting he decided that, if I said "Yes, come over," that he would not come over to see me at all. So after his meeting ended, and when I told him no, he said he was actually relieved. "Good," he said to me then, "because I have changed my mind. Pete is right, and we have all agreed that it is not good for YOU to see us both on the same day, and I'm going to put my foot down about that from now on, and I apologize for offering the idea of it in the first place." Today he told me that he had not known that I had been with Pete in the morning, he assumed Pete had gone home Sunday night, not Monday morning, which is why he offered.

Still, I thought sniffing his sleeve was pretty funny. I'm just weird like that.

He wants me to stop going back and forth with this tug of war in my head too. He says, "Move forward. You yourself told me you feel a clarity now that you hadn't felt before (from drug induced residual effects most likely), and you owe it to yourself to do this, to make a life with Pete, to go and be happy in Pittsburgh. You've been slowly opening doors and windows in your life, I've noticed this for quite some time even BEFORE you went to camp...but at a hugely amazing rate since you met Pete...and soon you will need to step through that door and move on. Go for it girl, be happy. I want you to be happy, and when you get there, I want you to have something of your OWN to focus on, too. I will require that of you, in fact. Pete's got theater to keep him going and happy, so you need something along those same lines too."

He says that, if I go to Pittsburgh and everything crashes and burns in 6 months, a year, or 10 years, I will come out of it a much better person for going there, no matter what happens.

And so, this Peter-drug that could "ruin my life" is probably going to cut off the supply soon, little by little....and yes, I am afraid, but strangely, I feel somewhat relieved at the same time...

Love, Sassy Girl