AAAAUUGGHHHH!!!

Jesus I need a drink. Or three. I think I feel my head about to explode.

I just got called by one of the two jobs in Pittsburgh who wants to interview me. They can't do it on the 15th like I had hoped they would, to kill 2 birds with one stone the morning before Pete and Vixen and I take off to our BDSM weekend....noooo, of COURSE they can't make life EASY on me, are you KIDDING?! So now they want me to come in next MONDAY instead...and so my life is chaos once again.

Not to mention the whole morning of intense discussion with Pete about my previous blog entry, and sharing me with Peter, AND the necklace Peter gave me, etc. SIGHHH. He's on his way here now, after agreeing to cancel this visit when I suggested it. I feel nauseous like I'm on some runaway train going 200 miles an hour out of control.

I can't back out of this interview though because it pays the range that I'm looking for. I would really actually LIKE the job, too, from what I can tell so far. It's a GOOD thing, yes, this I know, and even my current supervisor at my current job is willing to write me a letter of recommendation while she's on the plane BACK to her North Carolina office, and will email it to me before the end of the day so I can bring it with me to this interview. (She is so cool, I need to buy her a present). She says I always have a place to stay with her if I ever get down to NC, and I have another friend who lives near Myrtle Beach so that might just be a cool getaway.

Anyway, I don't believe in burning bridges with employers and so far this situation has worked out very well with them, but I sure as hell don't know what I'm doing when it comes to dealing with two Dom's who both love me, and whom I want to make happy, and feel a tug of war going on and have daily meltdowns with one or both of them every time I am with them, nor do I know the best way to juggle everything that is going on in my life right now and I am stressed to the max, need to drink to excess, and even though I got a long and heavy spanking from Peter last night I think I need another one badly and OHMYGOD what if this job interview says, "We want to offer you the position and need you to start next week," HOLYFUCKI'MFREAKINGOUTIDON'TKNOWWHATI'MGONNADOABOUTTHISWHOLETHINGI'MGOINGTOHYPERVENTILATEANDGOINSANE....

I've decided I need some valium. And some vodka to wash it down with. Yeahhhh...

Tonight Pete says we're going to dinner, and he's going to let me have some drinks, and then after we get home, I will be OTK...he's going to beat my ass. I've caused a whole lotta upset today, without meaning to, I just want everybody to be happy. I've found that I am better off NOT talking to anybody about how I feel though, or expressing my needs and wants, because all it does is upset everybody and get me into trouble. I told Pete I wouldn't mention this sharing idea with Peter anymore. But come on, everybody knows I'm going to continue thinking it.

Somebody shoot me. Just fucking shoot me in the face with a bazooka and get it overwith. Vixen will probably do just that next time I see her. God Bless that girl.

One of my previous screen names used to be Happy2bOTK...(OTK = over the knee). Only those in the BDSM world knew what that meant though. Weeds out the vanilla. Unfortunately I didn't keep this screen name for very long because not many people figured it out, and it just caused too much confusion.

...I do need to be OTK for a long while I think. Peter's hand still stings my ass even when he's long done with it, sometimes even the day after...but I may need a spanking every damned day from both him AND Pete until this move is over. I wish my dog had opposable thumbs so she could join in, but she refuses to grow them because she knows I'll make her do dishes and laundry and have her drive me around everywhere, AND she'd have to get a job to buy her own food. She's no fool.

I'm the only idiot in this whole scenario apparently. I still want them both though. So just kill me, shoot me, maim me, cause me to bleed, I don't care. I can't help it.

Oh yes, yes indeed, it is time to get rip-roaring drunk off my ass.

Love, Sassy Girl