Peter's chat

This is part of the chat I had with Peter. It took place after Pete's departure to come to VA...but it helps explain his side of things. I felt it was appropriate to include here, as a better explanation of why he's still got a hold on me. I hope it helps everyone understand this situation better. I hope it can help keep everyone happier and less upset. I want to make everybody happy, that is my downfall and my tragic flaw in life. I am hoping that Pete and Peter both understand that. I love them both, in different ways, in different intensities, for different reasons.


13:57] ME: .....so which is better for me, traumatizing me now with this tug of war, feeling loyalty to you both, trying to make everybody happy, OR, having you end things with me NOW and sure it's going to suck for months afterwards, but it would be final and overwith and the pain will lessen with time.
[13:57] ME: if you're going to release me, which is better, doing it now, or waiting and prolonging it
[13:57] ME: neither answer is acceptable in my opinion because I don't WANT TO BE released
[13:58] ME: either way i'm going to suffer
[13:58] ME: either way i'm in pain
[14:03] PETER: some transitions and changes are not always painless
[14:04] PETER: and I have been and will continue to work very hard at making this as easy and least painful as possible, knowing everything that I do about you and what you need and how you take things in
[14:04] PETER: i have told you that i would release you at some point should things progress with pete to the point that it was necessary for you, and that is coming.
[14:05] PETER: i am not releasing you now because of the turmoil that is surrounding you and the churning of the jobs and houses and travel and all
[14:05] PETER: I am trying to remain as an anchor for you on this end of things for you to trust and hold on to
[14:06] ME: ok
[14:06] PETER: in truth, i will ALWAYS be an anchor and a foundation that will NEVER go away. you and I (and Pete too) are people that deal long term and make lasting relationships and friendships and commitments with others
[14:06] ME: yes
[14:07] PETER: so though i will release you in all the aspects that are important and pertain to your future, you will NEVER EVER lose me in all these years because I dont give up on anyone and i will never give up on you
[14:07] PETER: this is hard [SASSY GIRL]
[14:07] PETER: this is hard on you
14:07] ME ...very.
[14:08] PETER: i dont think it will get harder, but i think that the "hardness" will shift around to different areas, different things to focus on
[14:08] PETER: which is why i'm saying you are strong enough to get through this with flying colors... and
14:08] PETER: that when you cannot handle it, you have both me and pete to take over and make it better

...he thinks I'm strong enough to get through this with "flying colors." Like the color of my brain exploding, much like that photo in my previous blog entry?

Pretty. I hope to God he's right. I hope Pete's right too. I hope I'm the only one in the wrong. I hope I can figure this shit out before I lose my marbles completely.

---Love, Sassy Girl