3 more days...

Today is the very LAST Tuesday I'll ever spend living in this ghetto-land house.......YAY!

I look around at all the stuff I've still got left to pack, and I feel instantly overwhelmed and freaked out, and paralyzed. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I just stare at everything and wonder how the HELL we'll get it all done by Saturday. I told Pete I can't even go near his kitchen, there's no way it'll get all packed up by then...he's got a LOT of stuff....way more than me...

I've been making trips to the new house all week, twice or three times a day, to bring fragile items and other stuff that I don't want in the huge moving truck. Pete's daughter and son-in-law are coming down from Rochester NY to help, along with several of their friends, all 20-something's, and a neice, who is 8 I think, who will be the "designated cleaning girl," (which thrills her to the bone), and I am glad that she'll be keeping Sassy company too, while we all get stuff loaded and unloaded into the truck.

A couple of Pete's former chickies are also planning to stop by and help. One, in particular, loaned us her steam machine to get the wallpaper off of the walls, and will be coming over Friday to help us pack, and Saturday to help us unload. Hmmm, now why would she go to all that trouble I wonder...if she didn't still have some feelings for Pete?? She has a new boyfriend, and they apparently enjoy swinging with other couples...so, don't be surprised if this subject comes up with Pete and me. I just have a feeling she'll bring it up, and "hey what do you think about THAT idea..." (to which I'd have to say, "No thanks.")

I'm removing the wallpaper in what will become our "dressing room," and will be decorated in pink and green girly-girl colors, much to Pete's manly dismay. He'll have his own small bedroom to decorate with superhero comic book stuff, so he can't really complain too much about my girly-girl dressing room!! (Yes, the man is 51 and he collects comics, watches cartoon t.v. shows, and enjoys sci-fi.....three things I have no interest in whatsoever, though I must admit I'm starting to like "Family Guy" more than I ever thought I would).

We are going to register for camp this weekend too.....Pete insists that we go to camp again, where we met last year, even if we're sent by his employer to San Francisco for 3 months before then....he says we'll still fly back and go to camp no matter what. He wants to stay in the pony girl camp area, because he thinks I'd make a great pony girl....but I don't really think I want to do that, it's too flamboyant and on-stage and I'm the type of person who would rather fade into the woodwork, not draw attention to myself like that. Besides, I'm so out of shape, I don't think I'd do very well because it takes a lot of strenuous physical strength to do it for a long period of time, and I just don't have that ability right now. I do enjoy watching the pony girls, and the huge show they put on every year at camp, but I'm just not the type of person who would enjoy doing it myself.

In fact, nowhere on my resume are the words "pony girl" written, because I have no experience in doing it, and no real major interest in doing it, not even for fun, not even once a year at camp. I just don't have it in me. Just like I don't have INSURANCE work in me, much to Pete's confusion. He thinks that admin work is just admin work, and who cares about the subject matter. Well, it's not like computer programming, I told him, he loves what he does, and he enjoys the variety that he gets every day. But let's consider this whole insurance thing a moment....his friend suggested that I contact one of her colleagues who is looking for a part-time admin person. However, I met with this person, had an interview with her when I first moved here, I've sent this woman several inquiry emails, I've left her many voicemails, and I get nothing in response. So, my feeling is, if she's THAT busy and so desperately "needs" someone, she certainly is not returning my calls or emails or offering the job to me. Not only that, but I have absolutely NO INTEREST in the subject of insurance...I would have to take a class to learn the lingo and the questions and answers that people would be calling about, since I'd be the one answering phones. I'd also have to learn the forms and how to fill them out. But I feel, if I have no interest in this subject at all, why would I want to commit to taking a class to learn all about it? Makes no sense to me, especially for a part-time job that doesn't pay very well either.

I'd rather work at a MUSEUM or a COLLEGE, like my resume SAYS, because I have EXPERIENCE in those areas, I can DO the work in those areas, and I ENJOY WORKING at those types of places. I'd rather focus my efforts on finding something along those lines that I feel CONFIDENT in doing, and would get more pay for doing, than some job I have absolutely no interest in doing.

So, we had a slight argument about that earlier this evening, how nice, but he claims it was "news to him" that I didn't want to work for this insurance chick, even though I reminded him that I TOLD HIM when it first came up that I didn't like the idea, and would not like the job. I have to LIKE what I'm doing, otherwise I'm not going to do well at it. That's just how I am. It is a very sensitive matter to me, finding a job that I enjoy, because I've already worked for nearly 8 years at shitty jobs that I loathe. I don't want to keep working at shitty jobs that I loathe, why can't he understand that?? He's never HAD a shitty job that he loathed, that's why. I have to believe in what I'm doing, enjoy it, have confidence in it, and feel like it really MATTERS, otherwise I'm just going to do the bare minimum of what's expected, and look elsewhere while I'm doing it temporarily. You'd think he'd learn that about me by now, but apparently one full year of knowing me and my work background, skills, and experience, it just doesn't seem to register.

This new house of ours is going to be my "job" for awhile, until we get settled in, until everything is painted, wallpapered, unpacked and arranged the way I like it. I have no problem working temp jobs while this is going on, but not until AFTER we are moved this weekend. I have no problem in working, especially at various temp jobs in different types of companies, so that I can find out what's OUT THERE in Pittsburgh before I commit myself to it full time, or permanently. But I've told Pete repeatedly that I don't expect to live to be an old lady, and so I am picky about the jobs I want to work at, I don't want to just waste my time on this earth working at crappy stupid jobs that I hate. I've been there, done that, for many years already, and frankly it's beneath me to keep doing it. I have higher expectations than that, and higher aspirations. I wish he'd understand.

Well, I had better get some sleep. My acid reflux is kicking in, I've been stressed out and nervous all week about this move. I can't even find the new housekeys I had copied at the hardware store last week, so I'm flustered and frazzled, and frustrated. I'll be glad when it's finally over, and I can start doing the fun stuff of getting the house pretty.

Bye for now.

Love, Sassy Girl